January 3, 2011
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Decisions, Decisions
So I came to one of those momentous life decisions today. I decided, after much wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth, that I am going to put off graduate school for another… six years or so. This was after it took me two attempts during the past two summers to finish one graduate course, and added over $100 a month to my student loan payments. Ugh.
I can’t help feeling like a bit of a failure. I have had to concede that I can’t do everything. I can’t succeed at everything I want to do, at least for the forseeable future, and that’s difficult for me to accept. But I had to weigh costs versus benefits. The costs would be the loss of all my time, time with my wife and kids, time to devote to doing my job well, as well of, of course, five digits more in student loan debt. The benefits would be the satisfaction of accomplishing something I’d initially set out to do over a decade ago, and a significant bump in salary– IF our (teachers’) pay structure does not get changed, which is completely uncertain at this juncture. We already know that steps (increases for years of experience) are frozen next year, but levels (increases for level of education) are still in effect– but only for next year. Beyond that, we can’t know; but we know that there’s a lot of anti-public education, anti-teacher (or at least, anti-teachers’ union) sentiment right now, and people in high places (Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, etc.) advocating on the anti- side. Mr. Gates says that a master’s degree doesn’t make you a better teacher. For the next two-thirds of a decade at least, I hope he’s right.
It’s weird to come to this decision at this particular moment, as I try to resurrect this blog, which I created after completing my first semester of grad school. My first full year on Xanga (2001) saw me grow disillusioned with my situation and end of leaving school about a year short of earning my Master’s… and I never did, and now I know I won’t until my mid-40s at the earliest.
But that’s OK. I know it’s for the best. Unlike that last time, this decision is made because of more people than just myself. Right now being a husband, father, teacher, and marginally-aspiring writer is much more important than being a graduate student– because I can’t do them all.
As for today, there’s not much to say for it. Staff meeting all morning, lunch, staff training all afternoon. Barely any time in my room. I can’t even say right now what the lesson plans for Wednesday will be, but you know what? That’s OK too.
Comments (6)
Every Sunday now I open the LA Times with a sense of dread. What new way could they have found this week to bash teachers? And, nearly every Sunday, the war on teachers and public education somehow makes the front page. I am what they would classify as a “value-added” teacher since I am pretty successful in raising test scores. However, I am not altogether proud of that designation because what it truly means is that I have bowed to their demands that I drop everything that feeds the soul in favor of the relentless pursuit of higher achievement on standardized tests. I have succeeded in sucking much of the joy out of both teaching and learning in my classroom in order to keep my school open, and still it’s not enough to satisfy all the self-proclaimed experts on education who have never spent a single day teaching students like mine. In short, I feel pretty demoralized, and I work with a small, extremely talented and dedicated group of teachers who all feel the same way, a number of whom are in danger of losing their jobs this year due to budget cuts. Yes, I could go on for days, but maybe I should do that on my own blog.
I can see how your decision to postpone your graduate work could be a difficult one, but it seems like the right one for you … at least for now. I, for one, am looking forward to the flurry of blog posts you’ll be able to put out with all that extra time. ;o)
Honestly, I can’t even imagine working and doing so much as getting an associate’s degree. I really can’t. How people such as yourself (and my brother) do such things is beyond me. I guess I’m just not that ambitious. ::shrugs:: That and I hate school. I bash teachers sometimes, on the whole? I think teachers do a crap job. (Whether or not it’s their fault that it’s crap is another thing all together.) My good teachers, were average at best… most weren’t even that. (Had the US Government teacher try to convince me that convertibles were illegal. Seriously.) The fact that I have teachers in my family who are little more than educated idiots (with a doctorate, no less) really doesn’t help matters at all.
But… some of my good friends are teachers and my lil brother is going to be a teacher. And there are teachers I work with in my job that I think do an awesome job with our kids. So. There ya go.
And yes. I’m rambling. I do that.
@poisonedbyfairytales - Yeah, I was reading in the NEA magazine about that “value-added” nightmare in L.A. and how one teacher there even committed suicide– and then at his funeral his colleagues noted his long and distinguished career and string of sterling performance evaluations, despite what his low V.A. rating. It feels like so much has changed in the general attitude toward education just in the five years I’ve been in it. I suppose that’s an effect of the economic collapse and the general malaise set upon American society. An angry citizenry needs scapegoats.
@warweasel - You do ramble, but in an enjoyable way, and if you feel the need to bash teachers or anyone else go ahead; if you didn’t, I’d worry about you not being you.
I guess as long as it’s rambling in an enjoyable way… (Which, coincidently, I’m not sure everyone would agree with for the record.
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I do rant sometimes. But when I rant about teachers, specifically, I end up feeling somewhat (and just somewhat, lol) bad about it cuz I know there are good teachers out there… and I don’t want to come across like I just loathe teachers, because I don’t. It’s just that my own personal experience with teachers & the education system as a whole, wasn’t a very good one. I hated school from the minute I stepped in the door until the minute I left. If it hadn’t been for sports & the fact that my parents would’ve killed me, I likely wouldn’t have bothered to finish…
It’s good to want more–but seems you have done a lot. Fine family and teaching. Don’t lose sight of what you have accomplished.
There is a lot of anti educational bias coming from certain media and cultural types–but a thinking public isn’t what many of them want-
A lot of “news” articles” talk about useless education, and you get distractions like Miley Cyrus bragging about not going to college. Such a great role model.